I can’t quite articulate it yet, but somehow, life is different now that my dad is gone. There’s been some subtle shift in me. I feel it currently manifesting as an inability to remain focused, to find the words I want, to think two coherent thoughts in sequence. As I described it to a friend, it’s as if I’m casting about, looking for something, and I can’t find it. And I’m puzzled because I have a lot of peace about my dad’s passing. As I have described, he led a long, full and worthy life. His death was not traumatic or painful for him, and my mom is doing really well in her new life as “widow Anne”. My relationship with her is incredibly sweeter. So what’s up?
I don’t know. What I do know is that my Positive Discipline work is keeping me grounded in some eerie way. I guess that might sound kind of creepy; have I really lost it now, thinking Positive Discipline is my savior? It’s not that–PD doesn’t have magical or mystical powers. It’s just that it’s my calling, my life’s work, like a thread pulling me back to what’s important. This week I met twice with the parent education team at Ben’s new school. We are gearing up to train all the parents in PD thinking and tools before they start working in the classroom in this parent-participation school. It’s exciting and exhilarating to spend time with this group of dedicated parents. Thursday night I went to a local baby store for my quarterly visit to present an overview of PD, and then today spent an hour with the Sunday School teachers at my church, sharing some of the tools with them. And even though none of that was paid work, when someone asked me if I do this for a living, I said without qualm, “YES”. Because it gives me life, and purpose, and a way to answer the question, “Now, what was I doing?”